Archive for the ‘Lawak’ Category

Ceramah Lawak Jenaka & Sempoi : Ustaz Saidi Part 2 of 9

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Ceramah agama lawak & sempoi : Ustaz Saidi 1 of 9


italiano in USA

To share a short funny jokes about italian in USA…hope u guys can enjoy it

A bus stop and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated Conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come First. Den I come. Den two Asses come together. I come
once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and
pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.’

The lady can’t take this any more, ‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed
pig.’ She retorted indignantly. ‘In this country, we don’t speak
aloud on Public Places about our sex lives.’

Hey, coola down lady, ‘ said the man. ‘Who talkin’abouta sex?
I’m a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi ‘,’

Lesson: Seek first to understand, and then be understood

Computer terminology = BM vs BI…..Haru jadinya

Some computer terms translated to BM,

Don’t you think that computer terminology in Bahasa Malaysia is really weird?

Cakera Keras = Hard Disk 

Tetikus = Mouse 

Papan Kunci = Keyboard 

CD-ROM = Cakera Padat Ingatan Melalui Pembacaan (CP-IMP) – Isn’t that bit too much to ingat? Try pronouncing that without twisting your tongue or pausing to think. IMPs?

Monitor = What’s the term for this? KETUA DARJAH?

Modem = Could it be called “PEMPEND” <– PEModulasi, PENDemodulasi?

Motherboard = “Papan Ibu” probably? Maybe the best motherboards can be awarded the “Papan Ibu Mithali” then?

Sound Card = Kad Bunyi?

Sound Blaster = Peletup Bunyi?

Pipeline Burst Cache = Duite Garisan Paip Meletup?

Local Bus = Bas Tempatan? Sounds good to me.

VESA Local Bus = Bas Tempatan VESA?

Flatbed = Katil leper? OR Katil Rumah Pangsa (Flat)?

WWW = Sarang labah-labah Selebar Dunia (SSD)? Sounds quite convincing to me.

Then what would you call daughterboards? Papan anak perempuan? That sounds a little kinky for me :)) What about SIMMs and DIMMs and such…?

*laf* wonder what would you call ink jets then 🙂 Pancutan Dakwat???

What about “Plug and Play [tm]”? 🙂 Hmmm..Plug and play….Cucuk dan Main??? Somehow I think not.

Joystick = Batang Gembira or Batang Ria?? Damn obscene man!!

Salah Tafsir……

Suatu pagi yang indah kat sebuah sekolah rendah, seorang guru yang
begitu dedikasi mengajar anak2 muridnya tentang betapa bahayanya
minuman keras kepada mereka. Sebelum memulakan mata pelajarannya pada hari
itu dia telah mengambil 2 ekor cacing yang hidup, sebagai sampel kehidupan
dan dua gelas minuman yang masing2 berisi dengan air mineral dan arak..

“Cuba perhatikan murid2.. lihat bagaimana saya akan memasukkan cacing ini
kedalam gelas, perhatikan betul2. Cacing yang sebelah kanan saya, akan saya
masukkan ke dalam air mineral manakala cacing yang sebelah kiri saya akan
masukkan ke dalam arak. Perhatikan betul2.”

Semua mata tertumpu pada kedua2 ekor cacing itu.

Seperti dijangkakan, cacing yang berada dalam gelas yang berisi air mineral
itu berenang2 di dasar gelas, manakala cacing yang berada di dalam arak
menggeletek lalu mati. Si cikgu tersenyum lebar, apabila melihat anak2
muridnya memberikan sepenuh tumpuan pada ujikajinya.

“Baiklah murid2, apa yang kamu dapat belajar dari ujikaji yang cikgu
tunjukkan sebentar tadi??”

Dengan penuh yakin anak2 muridnya menjawab,

UNTUK MENGELAKKAN KECACINGAN...MINUMLAH ARAK…

Pengajaran : Cakap biar terang, bak kata-kata dalam filem P Ramlee……….